We chose the name Dillon because it means “faithful.” God was about to prove His never-failing faithfulness to us and test our faithfulness to Him. Dillon was full term, 3005 grams, but he was born gray, limp and not breathing. We didn’t know anything was wrong at first, but then realized he wasn’t crying. I kept asking, “Why isn’t he crying?” They took him away from us and we saw him an hour and a half later with a breathing tube down his throat and on a machine that was helping him breathe. We sat by his side talking to him all night. Around 6 in the morning, when he was off the breathing tube, I decided to go back to my bed and rest. At 7:30 a doctor walked in and told us that our son had a seizure and would be transported to another hospital and to “go back to sleep, you’re going to need your rest.” We sat there stunned and we both just cried.
We lived at the hospital for the next 5 weeks while the doctors cared for Dillon. They did many tests. They placed an IV in his chest to give him medicine. They placed a G-tube, which allows all his nutrition to go directly into his stomach with a pump. Six days after he was born was my 21st birthday and I was given the best present possible, my first chance to really hold Dillon.
The final determination from all the tests was that Dillon suffered profound brain damage from not breathing at birth, although no one has ever found out why he wasn’t breathing. Since this time, Dillon has had a long medical journey. When Dillon was three years old we took him to China for a month for umbilical cord stem cells, a treatment that helped him be more aware of his surroundings and overall much healthier.
We were warned that Dillon’s brain damage was severe. At age 14, Dillon functions like a one month old baby. His eyes and ears work, but his brain doesn’t process everything well. He cannot swallow any liquid by mouth, he cannot hold his own head up, he requires 24/7 care. Dillon has many seizures every day.
I never truly understood how much life can change in the blink of an eye. Things were supposed to be different; my baby was supposed to be healthy. All my hopes and dreams crashed when Dillon was born. Although I didn’t have plans that Dillon would be a lawyer or doctor when he grew up, I did plan for him to walk and talk and be used by God for something great. I believe God is using Dillon, right now, exactly as he is! Philippians 1:12 says, “But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel.”
Dillon may never walk or talk. He may never up his own head, I may never hear him say “I love you Momma!” Our life is forever going to be dealing with doctors, in home nursing care, medical insurance, hospital stays, etc.
How do I deal with this? I can honestly say I am only making it day by day by trusting in God. Near the beginning of our journey, I allowed myself to get angry at God for allowing this; I would look at Dillon and just cry. At one point my heart was hurting so bad I wanted to run away, but I knew the memories would follow me. I started examining my heart to see if I could take my own life. I just wanted to escape the pain I was in. Deep down in my heart, I knew I could never do this. I knew that I needed to give my broken heart to God and ask Him to bring me healing. I want to explain how I could trust God with not only my life, but the life of my precious son.
About three years before this, on October 15, 2003, when I was 18 years old, I gave my life to Christ. I knew of God and always believed in God. However, it was this night that I finally saw that I have sinned (broken the 10 Commandments from God like lying and stealing.) Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” According to the Bible, if we are not perfect, if we sin even one time that prevents us from being able to enter the perfect Heaven and be with the perfect God when we die. However, God sent his Son, Jesus, to live a perfect life and die on a cross and take the punishment for my sins if I would only accept his payment. Romans 10:13 says, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” That night I turned (repented) from following my path in life and my desire became to follow God and allow Him to direct my path. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”
At times, our situation with Dillon seems overwhelming. We wonder why God allows us to go through this suffering. But then we remember Jesus and what He suffered for our sakes. Every day I need God’s strength to help me care for Dillon and to not get discouraged. I have asked God to heal Dillon, but that is not His will. Luke 22:42 says, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me:” Jesus wanted a different way other than the cross. The rest of the verse says, “nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” Hebrews 13:5b tells us “for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” We know God is with us, He never leaves us, and He has a purpose for Dillon’s journey through life. Our trials are probably not the same as yours, but we hope our experience will touch your heart and help you to know that God does care and you can find peace through Jesus Christ.
