Every Night I Felt Deep Emptiness in My Heart and Often I Fell Asleep in Tears. My name is Maryana and here is my story.
I grew up in a nonbelieving family where nobody spoke about God. I was a regular child and I seemed to be happy. I had parents and friends; I was doing great at school.
When I became a teenager I wanted to try different things, to get everything I could from this life. I had many friends, tried alcohol, and smoking. I liked amusement and fun. This became my life. I regularly went to a bar and disco and dated boys.
Nevertheless, every night I felt deep emptiness in my heart. My soul longed for God, but I didn’t understand that. Very often I fell asleep in tears. The emptiness was so terrible and I didn’t know how to get rid of it. Every day I tried to suppress it with hanging out with my friends, dancing, alcohol and romantic relationships.
At this time my older sister started to read the Bible, to go to a church and to tell me about God. She told me that Jesus Christ was the sinless Son of God, who came to pay for my sins. These words started working in my heart.
I was curious to see where my sister went, so I went to the church as well. To my surprise, I liked the church very much, I saw many young people, who were happy and friendly. (I used to think that only old ladies went church). But I liked my life. I thought the church was not for me, and I would never become a believer. My sister kept on praying for me and inviting me to church. I went to church and listened, but still didn’t understand my need of God.
Almost for six months I lived a double life. I went to church and tried to look nice, but at the same time I kept going to disco and doing what I liked. One day I heard a voice inside, and I was sure that God was talking to my heart. “You cannot keep on living like that. You have to make your choice to follow me or to live like you used to live. Your heart is not with Me; it’s far away. I won’t make you, but it’s time to decide, who you will serve.”
I realized how sinful I was and that my sins hurt God. I understood that God loved me so much that He had given His only Son to pay for my sins and I wanted to devote my life to Him. I brought my sins to God in prayer and asked for forgiveness, and that Jesus would become the Lord of my life. Jesus said: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Twenty years have passed since then, and I have never regretted the most important decision of my life – to follow Christ. My heart was filled with peace and joy from God. I have never experienced emptiness any more since then. God gave me eternal life and wonderful life here on the Earth. “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).
